Thursday, July 08, 2004
Happily Ever After
It has been argued that women are unhappy in their romantic relationships because they have been programmed with unrealistic expectations from books and other forms of media.
Our earliest examples of romance, aside from our parents, come from fairy tales in which people who don’t really know each other end up together after a certain amount of adventure and danger and they live “happily ever after.” Disney makes movies about these sorts of things all the time. Harlequin sells millions of books a year peddling the same sort of tale, except that they talk about loins and nipples more.
It’s always what happens after that’s the problem. After the adventure and after the first kisses and first everythings you move into the great unknown. Relationships take work, but we wouldn’t know about that, all we know is happily ever after. We want spontaneity and first kisses, and fun, and excitement, and dragons. We don’t want Prince Charming to grow a pot belly and sit around watching football all the time and complaining about the bad back he has from all the dragon slaying and castle storming he did as a tot. And we certainly don’t want our sagging bodies, the pinched look of disappointment we get more often now, or the shrill tone our voices take on when we’re angry.
Happily ever after is just too vague, too non-committal and it doesn’t do us any favours. Because of getting wrapped up in these stories women subconsciously adopt the belief that if they are patient “it” will happen to them too. How many disappointed people are there out there as a result?
Disney’s The Little Mermaid. Okay, so she realizes her dream of becoming human and goes off and marries the handsome prince. No one comes right out and says happily ever after, but it can be assumed. It’s a good thing that they don’t say it, because there is no way in hell that they COULD live such an idyllic life. His is a coastal village, likely with a maritime based economy. Sailing and fishing are their bread and butter; they wouldn’t just depend on the sea for their own food, but also for their economic well being. How long before this became a major issue for the happy couple? She’d either have to become a total sellout and disassociate herself from her heritage, or else he would have to plunge the kingdom into financial ruin to appease her. Then there would likely be a coup d’etat and no one’s idea of happily ever after ends with heads on spikes on the castle wall.
Snow White. Try and tell me, just try, that after listening to that voice for a week straight that Prince Charming wouldn’t be either an alcoholic or a wife beater. I could hardly make it through the movie without it happening to me.
In all of these movies, give or take, none of these couples take the time to form a lasting foundation of love and respect to ensure them a happy relationship. As such emphasis is placed on destiny and the assumption of happily ever after. Little girls don’t stand a chance against this ideological barrage. You have to be pretty, graceful, kind, good with animals, brave, feisty, and yet needy, to snag prince charming, who has to be able to rescue you from something in order that his self-worth be actualized. Once you have him, good luck!
It just doesn’t seem fair.
It has been argued that women are unhappy in their romantic relationships because they have been programmed with unrealistic expectations from books and other forms of media.
Our earliest examples of romance, aside from our parents, come from fairy tales in which people who don’t really know each other end up together after a certain amount of adventure and danger and they live “happily ever after.” Disney makes movies about these sorts of things all the time. Harlequin sells millions of books a year peddling the same sort of tale, except that they talk about loins and nipples more.
It’s always what happens after that’s the problem. After the adventure and after the first kisses and first everythings you move into the great unknown. Relationships take work, but we wouldn’t know about that, all we know is happily ever after. We want spontaneity and first kisses, and fun, and excitement, and dragons. We don’t want Prince Charming to grow a pot belly and sit around watching football all the time and complaining about the bad back he has from all the dragon slaying and castle storming he did as a tot. And we certainly don’t want our sagging bodies, the pinched look of disappointment we get more often now, or the shrill tone our voices take on when we’re angry.
Happily ever after is just too vague, too non-committal and it doesn’t do us any favours. Because of getting wrapped up in these stories women subconsciously adopt the belief that if they are patient “it” will happen to them too. How many disappointed people are there out there as a result?
Disney’s The Little Mermaid. Okay, so she realizes her dream of becoming human and goes off and marries the handsome prince. No one comes right out and says happily ever after, but it can be assumed. It’s a good thing that they don’t say it, because there is no way in hell that they COULD live such an idyllic life. His is a coastal village, likely with a maritime based economy. Sailing and fishing are their bread and butter; they wouldn’t just depend on the sea for their own food, but also for their economic well being. How long before this became a major issue for the happy couple? She’d either have to become a total sellout and disassociate herself from her heritage, or else he would have to plunge the kingdom into financial ruin to appease her. Then there would likely be a coup d’etat and no one’s idea of happily ever after ends with heads on spikes on the castle wall.
Snow White. Try and tell me, just try, that after listening to that voice for a week straight that Prince Charming wouldn’t be either an alcoholic or a wife beater. I could hardly make it through the movie without it happening to me.
In all of these movies, give or take, none of these couples take the time to form a lasting foundation of love and respect to ensure them a happy relationship. As such emphasis is placed on destiny and the assumption of happily ever after. Little girls don’t stand a chance against this ideological barrage. You have to be pretty, graceful, kind, good with animals, brave, feisty, and yet needy, to snag prince charming, who has to be able to rescue you from something in order that his self-worth be actualized. Once you have him, good luck!
It just doesn’t seem fair.
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