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Thursday, October 14, 2004

"Thanks for your message..."

An old friend of our family's died not so very long ago. This family is almost Joblike in the amount of tragedy it's suffered. If they've ever had any luck it's been bad. So, my mother is feeling horribly because she liked this woman, and she misses her friend, even though they had lost touch over the years.

Try to imagine her surprise and, yes, her terror when she went to check her email and saw a message in her inbox from this friend - dead for about two weeks at this point. Mater's heart gave a mighty lurch and she kind of looked around to make sure she was still in her living room and that the walls hadn't disolved to reveal a pod or something.

As it turns out, the message was sent from her account by her husband. He was thanking everyone for their kind thoughts and sending a picture of his wife (thankfully a picture of her from when she was still alive) to those who had been writing to her.

This got me to thinking about Outlook's very useful "Out of Office Reply" feautre.

"Hi, thank you for writing. Your email is important to me and I'd write back to you as soon as I was able, except that I won't be. So, if this message is urget, I could give a rat, 'cause I'm now in the hereafter and am really not very interested in your sad pathetic life. Oh, and I never really liked you very much. Cheerio!"

Or maybe something a little less on the bitter side?

"Hi there! Thanks so much for your message, I'm sorry that I won't be replying to it ever. That's a real bummer for you. If this is urgent you can try chanelling my spirit through any of the following mediums...."

My sister-in-law and I have started a new venture and we were meeting with the organizer last night. The project he's bringing us into is very interesting, and so far a lot of fun. I don't want to alarm anyone, but I've started writing romance novels. I am currently working on the "pilot," but rest assured once that's under my belt you'll all be hearing a lot more from me. I'm entertaining suggestions for a suitable pen name. Feel free to write and send one (note: really, please do. No one ever writes or comments with these suggestions. That email link is more than decorative, people! Throw me a fricken' bone, here!).

I had emailed this guy earlier in the week from his website and the email address was along the lines of general@soandso.com (note, not his real email. Please don't write to this one, as I don't know who will respond). This cracked me up because it never even occurred to me that he was using "general" in the sense of "administrator." I was thinking it was all military. When we had our meeting last night I said I wanted to be Brigadier, and B wants to be Commodor. Sadly, while she got her wish, no one will stop calling me Rear Admiral.

Okay, while our friend was over he starts telling us a story about a friend of his. This friend was out on his motorbike when he was hit by a truck and thrown a few hundred feet. His whole left side is now royally buggered. He has no ankle, his foot is fused to his leg. He has a series of pins and rods in his left leg. So many bones were broken in his hand that it is now twice the normal size, but still functional. While he was unconscious investigators went to his home to talk with his wife. While they were there they asked if she knew who "insert name of girl here" was. She replied that she did, that it was her son's ex-girlfriend. This is when the wife found out that her husband was having an affair with her son's (his stepson's) ex-girlfriend, and that this girl had been on the motorcycle that night.

Can you believe it?

Families are a tricksy thing. I know I said I was going to write about the wedding for this entry, but I just don't feel like it. It really wasn't that exciting a time, unless you count my being vastly uncomfortable for an entire day interesting. I'm sure that some of the people who don't like me very much would find it so. Those bastards.

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