Adventures in the Café

Help!

This wasn't what I was planning to write about the next time I posted, but it's been on my mind a whole lot lately and I need some advice, from someone, please.

I've been a bad friend.

I've been a bad friend to someone who's been good to me.

Obviously I left some friends when I came back from Alberta. There were three girls there I was pretty close with, and we had some good times. They weren't always easy friendships, because of significant others, gossip, and what have you, but when it came right down to it, they rocked and I enjoyed them a lot.

One girl in particular helped me out from day one. We were in the same program and she kind of took me under her wing a little. We travelled together in Italy a bit, and though we didn't make the best travelling companions, we did okay.

Her apartment building burned to the ground this winter and she made it out with only her laptop. I would have called to see how she was doing, but I didn't know where she was. A few emails were exchanged, but as time went on we sort of lost touch.

Here's the thing. I didn't try nearly hard enough to keep in touch with her, to support her, or anything. I sent a card to her at school with a Chapters card (she had this awesome collection of books, and I wanted to help her rebuild it), and I suppose she must have found that offensive, 'cause I haven't heard from her about it. I can only assume that not being there for her in a personal way, and just throwing money really wasn't appreciated. It's possible that the card never made it to her, but the campus mail was usually quite reliable.

So what do I do? Should I email, hope for the best? Try sending something else? Cut my losses and get over it? I tried to start up a conversation with a mutual friend a little while ago, but she didn't answer. We all know I'm paranoid, so clearly I'm assuming that she hates me because I wasn't a supportive enough friend.

I hate being thought of as a bad friend, especially by myself. But the kicker is that I know I am. I didn't try hard enough to keep in touch, and I certainly wasn't as concerned and sympathetic as I should have been.

Is the doctor in? I've got five cents right here...